AN ALMOST PERFECT LIFE

An excerpt from my memoir

It took a few years for me in therapy to find a center and to feel as if I were a cohesive whole. I was on a steady diet of Nexium, Librium and whatever new anxiety reducing pills were available. Miltown was very popular. It was a combination of two drugs. Whenever I had my period, the pain was agonizing and a stronger pill for pain was prescribed. 

I was still intent on studying acting and was auditioning for plays that I could do at night after my day job as many young aspirants did.  And one person I studied with early on, Jeff Corey (1955), a fine actor who had been blacklisted,  was now devoting himself as an acting teacher, and appreciated my talent and boy, was that ever pleasing. He remarked that I had “great sense memory.” I could in any moment pull up a memory that spoke of smell, taste, hearing and  feelings as required in a scene. It is described well in the book ‘An Actor Prepares.’  Perhaps an actor has not been driven crazy by a person relentlessly screaming at them but they surely have had a mosquito buzzing madly in their ear without being able to catch it and the buzzing has driven them mad. Okay we will use that experience  when we need to show a mounting rage.

Sally Kellerman, then a sweet plump eighteen year old from Long Beach, was in my class and was impressed by my authenticity.  Every comment made by my classmates, many of whom became household names, was taken to heart. I was so needy!  We were all devotees of Stanislavsky and in those days there was a fervent desire to become the best method actor, and Michael Chekov’s books illustrated acting exercises to show how you could build your discipline in acting. He tells us that Charlie Chaplin repeated the practice eating the leather shoe over 100 times before filming the scene in THE GOLD RUSH. 

While my friends were going on interviews and auditions I was reluctant to do that.  However I was very quick to volunteer. If anyone had an audition I would be happy to be your scene partner knowing the attention was on You, not me.  One day a close friend told me he had an audition at Warner Brothers and would I consider being his audition partner. “Of course,” I said. “It is your audition…Absolutely,” and so we worked on a fraught scene in Caine Mutiny between Mae Wynn and her boyfriend Ensign Keith. We were auditioning for the head of Warner Brothers casting. I did my preparation in a separate room as I had told them I needed extra time to prepare. I entered and began the scene with my friend Bill. I felt it had gone well and immediately after the audition the secretary called me over and said urgently “Get your pictures out here right away THE GUYS loved you.” This is not supposed to happen. I was giddy and puzzled. I had no professional pictures and I was surprised by the attention. My friend was put under contract at Warner’s and became a star of a series. In the meantime I bought a plane ticket for NYC where I thought I’d have a better chance doing theater (really…I was in complete denial about this Warner Brothers event and kinda pretended it never  happened). I aborted the opportunity. I had a few important names to look up in NY and after getting settled  I just might do that.

When I resumed acting classes back in LA I was studying with Brian Hutton and we were  working on ‘Hello From Bertha’ written by every actor’s favorite playwright of the time, Tennessee Williams. I was self conscious in my sexuality.  Afraid of sexual feelings, I was embarrassed to publicly display what was too close to what I feared. I was already promiscuous, a touchstone of being an actress in those days. Which came first: the sex or the actress?  But as my ‘renunciation’ complex showed its fangs, I always  chose to sleep with the actors, not the power figures, the director or the producer. My concern with my weight was always on my mind even as I stopped on the way from my therapy sessions at See’s Candy for as much rocky road candy as my finances would allow. I had a similar passion that as soon as dance class was over I rewarded myself with a sundae at CC Browns, the sundae parlor for the stars or the Helms Bakery truck after singing class which offered the best brownies in the city.

I was now performing in many plays and had continued studying on and off with Jeff Corey, and then the magnificently talented teacher  Ben Ari the head of the Habima theater in Israel, who had taught at the American Academy of Dramatic Art and his class at the Coronet theater on La Cienega was filled with celebrated guest teachers: Shelly Winters, Tony Franciosa, Anthony Quinn, Nicholas Ray and a man who was dear to my heart, Jeffrey Hadyn married to Eve Marie Saint and brilliant in his analysis of actors saying that each person had a key to their unconscious to unlock their talent and it was up to the director to find it. Natalie and Robert Wagner or another of Natalie’s current boyfriends were steady auditors.

Again the commitment I felt I can still recall today. In the times of the 50s there was a fervent enthusiasm among those of us caught up with the ‘method.’ We were all in this wonderful discovery together pulled from the East Coast Group Theater with Harold Clurman and including Stella Adler who studied with Stanislavsky herself and was angry with Strasberg for  diluting Stanislavsky’s ‘Method.’  We on the west coast listened carefully for any gossip about the “Studio,” for instance, Kim Stanley who I had met earlier in Santa Fe  told me she NEVER saw Marlon inside the studio.

I was continuing to work with Brian Hutton. Brian had come out here to be groomed as the next big star by Hal Wallis but Elvis won stardom instead of Brian. He started a workshop on Western Avenue above Mayer’s deli. Our small group had a special intensity very similar to the Actors Studio but instead of Brian being severely critical like Lee Strasberg and because it really wasn’t a school, the key to this group’s success was the encouragement from Brian to bring in everything we thought would enrich our scenes and a low key critique. He treated us inspiringly and did not negate anything anyone was doing. Consequently many of us felt free and eager to do complete scenes with props anda full set design. It was about commitment - I brought in a whole set including hand drawn wall paper for ‘Hello From Bertha’ and ‘Waiting for Lefty.’  Robert Blake, Gavin McLeod were among my workshop friends and we rehearsed with pleasure.  We read all the books on method acting available  and lived and breathed  it.  My therapy and day job at N. W. Ayer had been replaced by a terrific job at FAMOUS ARTISTS INC. And then although I was dating, and sleeping with a number of people, I had a desire to have a deeper relationship. 

I met my future husband because I mentioned to Patti Regan, a former classmate at the Playhouse, one night about not having met the right person. She  said “OMG I know the perfect guy for you! He’s a make-up guy and he just lost his wife!” She called her friend Jack Grinnage and within 24 hours they were whisking me away to the top of Beachwood Drive to Deronda and a new mid century house in the hills. And as we entered this enormous double entrance door to the house, I was overcome with a feeling of destiny though I had never laid eyes on this person I was about to meet.

The house was stucco, glass and stone gargantuan windows were floor to ceiling 12 feet high and looked out on a kidney shaped pool surrounded by dichondra and a 360 degree view of L.A starting with an unobstructed view of  Griffith Park. A noticeably expensive creamy thick white carpet was everywhere.  I was to discover that this home of 3500 square feet had only one of each: bedroom, living room, bathroom, and a St John's kitchen. A single  man and one dog lived here. This man was in bed, his head propped up by a multitude of pillows. He was still mourning the loss of his adored Genya who was only 38 when she died of a rare bone cancer.  She was, according to friends, very beautiful, a statuesque 5 '8 and an accomplished concert pianist as well. 

As he mourned he spent most of the day and night with his springer spaniel Mopsic in bed watching television. He was there when we arrived and he beckoned us to enter. There was only a pocket door so it was essentially an extension of the living room.

I sat on the edge of his bed while he behaved in his totally Russian manner - and boy, I was nuts about anything Russian. The timbre of his voice and the way he pronounced words was - my Dostoyevsky, my Gogol, my all of Russian literature came to life. I don’t remember everything we spoke of that night but I do remember that when my friends were pleading with me to come with them  he said - “Don’t go I will send you home in a taxi.” I was rather timid and definitely not interested in sleeping with him that night but the beginning of an attachment was right there. He was swarthy and balding. I realized later on that my Uncle Abe, the communist dentist husband of Aunt Jean bore a strong resemblance to Maurice.  

His make up work was credited only by Pauline Kael for doing the make up in Citizen Kane because the Westmores were actually the official make up people for the company at the time but Orson persuaded Francis Hopkins sec’y of Labor to give Maurice status and then Orson took out a full page ad in a 1941 Variety naming Maurice as the make up man for Citizen Kane. He was also the head of RKO make up department and in that capacity had a number of films to his credit. But now he was not attached to any studio. These were his leisure years and he was only 55.  If a job came his way he might take it.

The courtship followed with our mutual love for all things fine, refined and cultural -  he seduced me by having third row seats at the opera or fifth row seats at the theater, and any event I wished to go to he was ready to take me and did.  Maurice had a beautiful Cadillac (the irony was this was a car I’d been embarrassed by as a child, but now it seemed perfectly normal.)  Wherever we went I was introduced to celebrities he knew like Rex Harrison  who was among my favorites to meet. He was the man of the hour as a result of his success in MY FAIR LADY. He personified class and glamor for me. Maurice took me to the ballet and he made friends with the troupe of the Leningrad Kirov ballet. He invited them all to our home after a performance and we hosted them. Maurice was also a close friend of Val Lewton who was the father of noir and wrote and produced ‘The Cat People.’ And I had the pleasure of going to John Houseman’s house in Malibu where Maurice bought me John’s VW BUG.  

The Three Stooges came for some make-up lessons. Ben Lane, head of Columbia makeup often visited for lunch. We were a 7 minute drive from Columbia on Gower and about the same to RKO.  Maurice had conversations with “Joe” Cotten on the phone as well as Orson who I only met one time and  you may note that all of his history is stored at the MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE in Long Island City, New York.

I was hesitant to move in with Maurice without marriage - it was 1960!  but he promised that this day would come within a month. However, he accidentally fractured his knee on one of the tables in his studio so now he was in a cast and our marriage was on hold.  As I said my day job was at Famous Artists which was among the top 3 talent agencies in the city. It was located on the top floor   - 9441 Wilshire. I had landed a great day job through a connection and was the secretary for the cameraman agent Morty Guterman, a cute older guy who had a boat called the African Queen. The agency was owned by Charlie Feldman and he was dating Cappucine. Whenever she entered, all of us secretaries tried to catch a glimpse of her.  Morty’s clients were the most highly paid cameramen of the day,Milton Krasner, Eddie Daniels, Michael Curtiz and oh so many more. 

Dick Clayton was an actors’ agent there. I had met him while I  was at the Playhouse and he had the finest clientele in Hollywood: Tab Hunter, Jane Fonda, Tuesday Weld, and on and on. I became friends with Tuesday and her mom and went out to dinner with them often and she gifted me with a professional standing hair dryer! Jane and I both took dancing lessons at Eugene Loring’s dance studio on Hollywood Boulevard and often had an after drink at CC Brown’s, a few doors East and famous for not only its celebrity customers but its HOT FUDGE SUNDAE - Originally they served food in china dishes - it was oh so elegant…but later on they dispensed with that and just had ordinary ware. Another agent soon came to work at Famous Artists.  Bob Sher and his clients included Larry Dobkin, Joanna Barnes, Georgia Brown, a star of the London musical, OLIVER. Burt Reynolds who I  went out with a few times and Gary Lockwood.  We went to Henry Willson’s parties where the gay guys gathered but pretended to be heterosexual…those were the times when gayness was not an open topic. It was a fun day every day. One of my favorites was Fess Parker who with his wife Marcy was always extremely friendly toward me and I still have a beaded evening purse he gave me one Christmas.  I regret I did not follow up on our friendship after they bought a winery up North and became successful vintners.

The other couple who visited Morty often were Steve Allen and his wife Jane, Audrey Meadows' sister. Marge, Morty’swife, was related to the Meadow’s girls. Marge’s sideline was selling FUGAZY cologne and Balenciaga Le Dix.

Morty’s boat THE AFRICAN QUEEN was moored in San Pedro and second to Marge it was his love. On Fridays he would call in and say.. Honey, if anyone asks, I’m out at the studios. But in reality he was on the boat he co owned with Owen McClean who was head of casting for Twentieth Century Fox. Yes I went on the boat  also - along with his other guests Thelma Ritter (my idol) and her daughter. Morty always had actor friends he was trying to fix me up with. Well, to be honest, to  sleep with them. One was Van Heflin and if he hadn’t been married I would have said YES! But then sleeping with them was fine even if they WERE married. Hollywood, ya know. 

I had a double date with Morty’s good friend Trevor Howard,  at a dinner at Romanoff’s. This was the gold standard of restaurants.  I was so flabbergasted to be with Trevor I likely came off as a jerk. He pawed me a bit and I remember thinking: This is Trevor HOWARD!  So caught up in his celebrity I just couldn’t see him as a person. Sadly I did not take advantage of these introductions and did not use them as stepping stones to success. The  queen of renunciation rose again - But looking back I sure did have a lot of exposure to opportunities.

Thinking back on some weekend nights parties at Vista del Mar before I met Maurice. I was famous for my spaghetti and  wine menu. Sometimes I cooked Santa Fe chile. It amazes me now how I fit so many people into such a small space. 

Among these soon to be household names were Roger Corman who attended regularly. I also had met Monte Hellman through my brother who tried out for a role in WAITING FOR GODOT which Monte was directing. He was married to Barboura who soon separated from him and stayed with me during her divorce- she was dating Roger Corman and Ron Getty simultaneously.  Barboura was very excited about her Christmas party with both guys coming and she was wondering what Ron would give her for Christmas. Something snazzy she contemplated.  It just happened by coincidence that afternoon I was in a Rexall on the corner of Wilshire and Canon while Ron, an heir to the Getty Oil company, was shopping. He bought a box of Whitman’s samplers and a bottle of My sin and that is what Barboura got for Christmas and Roger brought her a whole case of persimmons. 

Scott Brady came - he was the brother of Lawrence Tierney a very famous tough guy actor and Scott came by once too often when I was alone and tried to rape me. He did rape me and I was ashamed. Frank Gorshin, an up and coming impressionist, graced my home now and then. This was the golden time of Jazz and it was everywhere on Hollywood Boulevard. Stan Getz, Gerry Mulligan, Modern Jazz Quartet, Chetty Baker, Dave Brubeck, Miles Davis - all were performing within blocks of my little apartment. 

After moving in with Maurice and leaving Vista del Mar- my life changed dramatically. I left the job at Famous Artists and gave myself full time to my blooming relationship with my Russian hero. My main job was preparing dinners and dressing for social evenings. I laugh now as Maurice was a master chef and masterly but I was filled with eagerness to share recipes from my Santa Fe friend’s Rosalie’s cookbook THE PINK ADOBE which was now the scene in Santa Fe. I went to eat there while in high school, and in the early 60s it developed into a hugely popular eating compound on the Old Santa Fe trail. 

I have to say a word about Maurice’s Russian temperament. He was excessive  in almost everything. One night not liking a baked corn hash dish, he just turned the dining table upside down with contempt for my cooking.  I was in such a state of shock I just sobbed uncontrollably while he made fun of me, this was a facet of this guy's character.

In a therapy session I mused over the name of his profession: Make up? Makeup? Many different meanings to this phrase. And he was an artist of makeup. He made up a lot of stories and probably believed them himself. Living with him and knowing him enhanced my knowledge of art, and craftsmanship. He knew a well made piece of furniture vs. a mediocre one. His artistic eye was unparalleled except when it came to his own paintings which were hard to look AT.  They were like excretions of blood and gore. To me they were gross and aggressive and reflected what was going on in his unconscious mind which I did not like one bit. One day Aldous Huxley dropped by for a chat. He was our neighbor and Aldous, who was extremely nearsighted, hastened his departure after looking at the paintings - they attacked him ! well they could have!

While living with Maurice I continued to study acting  and Mille Perkins, my best friend, told me she had just started attending Donna Drew Roman’s classes. Donna, a beauty, was not only a former Goldwyn Girl but  a former student  with Strasberg at the “Studio.” I joined the group and among my workshop classmates was a guy whose nickname was Smilin Jack - of course it was Jack Nicholson. Millie’s other best friend Sandra joined as well and eventually she and Jack married.

Our standard “method” exercise was singing Happy Birthday or Row Row Row Your Boat. Whatever you are feeling in that moment is to be expressed through your body as you scream or cry or laugh allowing all emotions at the moment to come through the words. This was practiced at the start of  each session and Jack’s was always powerfully colorful with great expressions. We also did an exercise where we relaxed from the toes to the head so we were completely open to experience afterwards. One night after Jack had performed in a scene as she critiqued him she said “You have to peel like an onion Jack.” The rest of us tried our best to do that as often as necessary but he paid no mind but as we know ended up being one of the more successful actors of our generation.

My long delayed marriage finally happened on January 3 of 1962 when our friends Linda and Hershel Sinay and Fred and Marlene Malek accompanied us to Tijuana where we tied the knot. As I wished, we had hired a  mariachi group who played during the wedding ceremony and then we went to Revolution Avenue and had our photos taken on a donkey. Someone swiped that legendary photo. Today you would know Lynda as Resnick the philanthropist of Resnick Pavilion at LACMA. Fred Malek served in the Nixon White house as Budget director and eventually was VP of the Marriott Hotels and became  a fundraiser for Sarah Palin’s political campaign. I had hoped to have a follow up marriage in Los Angeles but that never happened. I assume the wedding in TJ was legal as I had to go through a proper divorce to leave Maurice. We didn’t last too long.

When we returned from our Mexican wedding we planned a large reception for the following month and it was as beautiful as planned on a lovely February day - unusually warm and about 50 guests gathered at our beautiful home.  The highlight was a three tiered mocha wedding cake from the most popular bakery of the time - Pupi’s. On Sunset Boulevard -now a high end men’s store.  It was a block or so West of Tower records.  Among our guests that day were Jack and Sandra Nicholson with their toddler, Jennifer.  Rob Reiner was there along with a host of studio executives. 

Maurice and I were arguing more and more and I wanted a child. My therapist told Maurice I had a very strong maternal drive and to consider fatherhood. Maurice behaved as if he would accommodate and then one day I received a phone call from a former or who knows maybe current girlfriend who told me that Maurice had a vasectomy a few years before. It was crushing information and then Maurice said he would have it reversed. But I knew then he was lying and it would not happen. More and more I lacked trust in him as some of his former girlfriends called the house and spoke to me. He was quite the ladies’ man.

I was relieved to be divorcing and in spite of his immense talent and intellect, I married a violent and narcissistic man.  Do we provoke the responses of our parents at times? - I seemed to provoke Maurice a great deal -  It was tumultuous and passionate but it was not for me.  He was not a generous man if you crossed him and I did, indeed. 

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